Sometimes when a person says something that I disagree with my initial reaction is to become defensive which can also lead to me choosing not to acknowledge them. When we disagree with others, disconfirmation comes easily because our responses tend to ignore the feelings of others because we are letting our selfishness rule the situation. The example I have is a particular argument I had with my brother last time I was visiting my family. There were two of Gibb's defensiveness-producing communication behaviors that I can now identify during that situation. I felt disconfirmed and defensive by something I had said to him, and looking back on the situation I can see that I was using evaluation by saying things like "I can't believe you did that, that was dumb, you shouldn't have done that". I was also using strategy because my brother asked me a question that sounded like he was trying to manipulate me. He asked me "Hey sis, now I know you love me and we don't see each other often so do you want to do me a huge favor?". I immediately became defensive and said no to him.
Hi Catana,
ReplyDeleteYour post made me think about the awkwardness that comes after an argument. I have had situations where I’m not too sure how to respond to a person the next time I see them after a disagreement or encounter. This delay in deciding how to react sometimes ends up turning into ignoring them altogether. Your post was very relatable because I think we’ve all had situations or arguments where we reflect on it afterwards and realize we could have approached it differently. I think a lot of times, we mean to use descriptive language when trying to criticize someone, but it comes out being evaluative – especially when we are upset or angry. The conversations then become defensive on both ends and usually lead nowhere.