Emotion Work

The area of Social Influences in Emotions and Communication is an area that I feel could use further discussion. My reasoning behind this is that I feel that so much of the way we communicate is guided by the the framing rules and feeling rules that we live by that we would all benefit from learning as much about them as possible. If anything we may gain a stronger understanding of why people are acting in ways we like or dislike. Emotion work, which Wood (2010) explains as the "effort to generate what we think are appropriate feelings in particular situations"  is something that we all do even if we may not be aware. There are times when I question how others might view me if my communication (both nonverbal and verbal) were an exact reflection of how I actually felt inside. There are times when I am working on my emotions just to correspond with what I think is appropriate for each interaction in my life. An example of this is that I have empathy for others, and sometimes so much so that when a person is telling me something sad that happened to them I feel my tears wanting to come out yet I hold them back because I feel like this is inappropriate and may come of as "fake". I have also noticed that people often refrain from speaking ill of people in situations where they think they might offend someone else. I think that people can benefit from honesty even in situations where we believe that we must engage in emotion work so that we are doing what we think is the right thing for that moment. One example is that I wouldn't want a good friend to tell me that "things will get better soon "if they honestly believe that things won't get better soon. It would feel better to hear their true feelings and then an explanation of that truth than to hear something artificial and constructed.

Question Two

My favorite things about this class were the paper assignments. Writing papers have always been my least favorite part of any class, but I realized that when the paper assignments are something interesting and can be approached from personal knowledge as well as what we are learning in the course, they can be quite enjoyable. I enjoyed writing the relationship development paper in particular because I was able to learn about myself and my relationship. It also sparked up an interesting conversation with my partner because I was able to reflect on some of the issues I had early on in our relationship with my communication. My least favorite part of the class was that I felt that some students were not responding to different classmates during each weeks discussion. I think the easiest thing to do is click on the names at the top of student blog list which made it harder for the class to gain others perspectives each discussion. Improvements for this might be that students could be encouraged to comment on someone different from the previous week.

Question One

This has been one of the most informative classes I have taken for communication studies. I have learned a significant amount of information about interpersonal communication. The concepts that stand out the most are verbal and nonverbal communication, and the importance of nonverbal communication that people tend to overlook since people are not always educated on what to look for in nonverbal communication. Similarities include both forms of communication being symbolic, rule-guided, intentional or unintentional, and reflecting of culture (Wood 2010). The differences are that these forms of communication can replace the other in specific situations, and nonverbal can help us determine when it's our turn to speak, as well as helps us express our feelings about others. For example, we can show boredom as well as happiness without using verbal communication to express these emotions. I have also learned about friendship and romantic relationships, and the growth phases they go through to evolve or in other cases end. While completing my third paper assignment I learned about my own relationship while applying key concepts we have learned in this class including the growth stages that begin with our individuality that affects how we seek out others for romantic relationships. We don't often realize this while we are single, but it makes sense to me now that I have learned how this process works. The obstacles to mindful listening including message complexity and internal and external obstacles. Selective listening which one of the forms of nonlistening that Wood explains as "focusing only on a particular parts of communication" is something that I do often and learning about it has helped me learn how to be more mindful of it when I am doing this. Overall, I have learned communication skills and concepts that I will not forget.

Question 3-Ethnicity and Parenting

In Wood (2010) I read that "parents whose ethnicity is not the dominant or priveleged one in their culture tend to invest more energy in instilling ethnic pride in children than do parents who belong to priveleged ethnic groups". I found this section to be interesting because I come from a stereotypical white family. Although my step-father who raised me is Mexican-American, he rarely spoke to us about his culture or instilled any of his cultural on us growing up. My mother is German-Irish, but she is third generation so she does not have any German or Irish traditions or cultural values that we learned about growing up. She occasionally spoke about her German grandmother who was not a very loving woman, but always baked the yummiest pies and desserts. I have always felt that because our family was raised without any value placed on our ethnic background, that I don't really have an ethnicity. When people ask me what my ethnic background is I usually become annoyed with the question, and I have realized over the years that it is because I don't feel like I have any validity in answering that comment. If I were to start listing the different countries that my biological parents have ancestory in, what is the point in doing so? I won't feel any more ethnic pride because I was never raised with any to begin with. My brothers like to get into that Irish pride stuff and I find it rather silly because neither one has been to Ireland, and they don't eat Irish food, or listen to Irish music, nor do they even know any Irish history. I think that many white people like to gravitate toward  things like Irish-pride or Italian-pride because they see that other ethnic groups have a sense of unity and pride that many people who are considered white seem to lack. As I get older I realize that there is pride in being someone who doesn't have a particular culture either. I like that I am not partial to any group of culture, and I can find interest and beauty in every last culture on Earth.

Question 2

In 50 years I predict that some of the current restrictions we place on marriage will be lifted such as the same-sex marriage ban. Just as people grew out of the 17th century marriage restrictions based on race in the U.S.. I believe that our current restrictions will change to accept people who don't fit into one box. In this country, marriage used to be between an older white man and a very young white girl who was considered a "virgin" bride. At that time interacial marriage was out of the question. Many people don't like to think about that now, or are unaware of that part of history. If that were to happen today most people would be alarmed.  As new generations lose their prejudices and reach voting ages, change will happen over this span of time. I think that marriage will still hold some traditional customs such as ceremony and vows, but I think that the opposite-sex only part of the equation will be changed to accept people of the LGBT community. As of now a woman can't marry a woman, but if she were to become transgendered male, she would be granted the right to marry a woman. I think that in 50 years we will look back on this and see how unfair this is that we place so much emphasis on a heterosexual norm for the appearance of marriage. I think that marriage will probably be a certificate that is much easier to obtain than it is now for many people. Some people who are not able to legally marry now would like to do so for other reasons than to have a big church ceremony. Marriage has already been evolving since it was created, so it is not unrealistic to expect some type of change over the span of 50 years. Marriage is a part of society, and as that society evolves, the defintion of marriage will too.

Question One

To me a family is two or more people who live together, and at best have love and trust for each other. Some families don't have support and love for each other, but they may still appear to be a family by the basic definition. I don't believe that families have to have certain members or maternal and paternal roles such as a mother, father, or child to be considered a family. I also don't believe that they have to be in a heterosexual relationship to be a family. If someone told me that they lived with their grandmother and had no other siblings I would still consider the two of them to be a family. Family members give and take from each other in many different ways. At times they may provide emotional support, financial support, and at worst they hurt each other physically and mentally with words and violence. Even though my mother never hit us growing up, the siblings in our family did hit each other from time to time, and we would never do that now that we are grown up. No family is perfect, and some may seem to be stronger and more loving than others, but they all have their flaws in one way or another. All of the relationships in the chapter fit my definition of family except for devitalized marriage and conflict-habituated marriage because those are just like living together as roommates, or as two people who dislike one another living under the same roof. I wouldn't consider roommates who don't care for each other to be a family, and once a person feels apathy toward their relationship, they are no longer emotionally active in that relationship. So in those cases, the family part of the equation seems to be missing.

Question 1

This question had me thinking a great deal about the hypocrisy that lies in the fact that we get so shocked by online deception, but forget that the Jerry Springer style drama does exist to a certain degree in face-to-face relationships. People have secret affairs, and some even tell people they "love" them just to get physical and/or financial benefits. Yes, some people lie online because they find it easy to do so, but people have been deceiving in face-to-face interactions and relationships long before the Internet made online deception possible. The difference lies in the fact that there are some types of deception that a person can't pull off as easily in face-to-face contact as they can in online interaction. Sex and physical appearance are both something we can identify easier in face-to-face contact for obvious reasons. Character, convictions, mental issues, etc. are all things that we can lie about in both face-to-face or online interaction. Ethically, it can be argued that it is wrong to deceive someone in any fashion, but I don't think that online deception is any worse than face-to-face deception. If anything people should be less shocked by online deception because people are hidden behind their computers and may feel more comfortable deceiving someone. There was a study done recently that showed an increase of rude behavior by those who were wearing sunglasses as opposed to not, so I don't see it as any surprise that a person behind a computer may feel more comfortable lying about themselves.